An entry from my journal earlier this week . . .
"O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for You, my body longs for You in a dry and weary land where there is no water." Psalm 63:1
I feel so dry and joyless. My patience is at an all-time low, and my thoughts, words and actions reveal that "it is not well with my soul."
This morning a dam broke inside me, and I lay on my bed, sobbing. I'm feeling so inadequate as a parent these days, especially when it comes to discipline/training, as well as planning our activities each day. The irony is that while I've been trying extra hard to plan fun activities with the kids, none of us are having much fun. I'm worn out, and realizing that I've been trying to do it all in my own strength. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness . . . that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10
I see a direct connection to the time and intention (or lack thereof) that I've been giving to prayer and the reading/meditation of Scripture. I'm not quite sure how or what to change, but I think acknowledging all of this in writing is a step in the right direction.
Father, I confess to You that I have been increasingly selfish and impatient. I ask that You fill me with Your Spirit that I may exhibit those characteristics I so long to possess: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22) Please help me to be disciplined in spending time with You so I may be equipped for the challenges of parenting--and life!
"Repent then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord." Acts 3:19
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