Friday, August 6, 2010

Parched

An entry from my journal earlier this week . . .

"O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for You, my body longs for You in a dry and weary land where there is no water." Psalm 63:1

I feel so dry and joyless. My patience is at an all-time low, and my thoughts, words and actions reveal that "it is not well with my soul."

This morning a dam broke inside me, and I lay on my bed, sobbing. I'm feeling so inadequate as a parent these days, especially when it comes to discipline/training, as well as planning our activities each day. The irony is that while I've been trying extra hard to plan fun activities with the kids, none of us are having much fun. I'm worn out, and realizing that I've been trying to do it all in my own strength. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness . . . that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

I see a direct connection to the time and intention (or lack thereof) that I've been giving to prayer and the reading/meditation of Scripture. I'm not quite sure how or what to change, but I think acknowledging all of this in writing is a step in the right direction.

Father, I confess to You that I have been increasingly selfish and impatient. I ask that You fill me with Your Spirit that I may exhibit those characteristics I so long to possess: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22) Please help me to be disciplined in spending time with You so I may be equipped for the challenges of parenting--and life!

"Repent then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord." Acts 3:19

photo credit: Shutterstock

9 comments:

Carrie said...

Wow. Your journal entry could be MY journal entry!

Thanks for the encouragement - from one mom of young ones to another!

Katie said...

Dear Carrie,

Thank you for sharing your sincere heart. I can totally relate on so many levels to what you have written, but I want to encourage you to keep the faith. I can't tell you how often repenting of my selfishness, impatience, lack of time with Him, and trying to do things in my own way are my frequent prayer!! James 1:5 is so often the focus of my prayer life as I seek the Lord's wisdom in all of my parenting. I fall several times a day on so many fronts. Understanding God's grace and goodness to me are so precious when I realize how patient He is with me. I deserve none of it!!

As a mother of little ones myself, I can totally relate to your thoughts. As a friend and sister-in-Christ, I can only offer my encouragement to not beat yourself up. [May the Word of God convict when necessary but not your own thoughts!] :-) Your children are blessed to have you as their mama...one who I admire and have been encouraged in faith/spiritual matters so many times...and one who consistently seeks and follows the Lord's leading to bring her children up. (And remember, even when you fall/fail, you cannot blame yourself for your children's sinfulness...it's in their nature since the Fall!)

I will be praying for the Lord's peace, grace, & wisdom to fill you and for Christ's *joy* to encourage you. I need so much prayer in this regard as well as my patience and focus has been lacking, but I'm so thankful our Savior is so forgiving and ready to help me up again. May He be your confidence today!

Thankful for you,
Katie

The following encouraged me today!
2 Corinthians 9:8
James 1:2-6
Romans 5:1-5

Rebecca said...

Dear Carrie,
Thank you for sharing your heart - I am very much in the same place.

It seems like forever since I have journaled and started again this week. It felt good, and so refreshing...like meeting up with an old friend. And like you, a seemingly step in the right direction.

Give yourself much grace...that's what I have to remind myself everyday.

Hang in there! I'll be praying for you!

Love,
Rebecca

Lee said...

I feel we are in the same place in a lot of ways, thanks for posting this and know you are not alone in these struggles.
Jenny

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

I love your honestly, Carrie. Just remember that you are in the THICK of parenting right now and it's hard on so many levels but there are new mercies each and every day.

I'll say a prayer for you. Thanks for sharing your heart!

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

Honesty. Not honestly!

Leah in Iowa said...

I just have to say how much I admire you for writing such a personal and transparent post. Most blogs I read are from those who "seem to have it all together", which gets to be a bit of a turnoff some of the time. I have struggled much these past months, but have kept quiet for the most part. Maybe some day...

Mom said...

Dearest Carrie, what an honest and heartfelt post/journal entry and one that describes where so many of us have been or are now. Keep on keeping on -- and remember that you are daily in my prayers. Love you, Mom

Tim and Emily said...

Carrie! I stumbled upon your blog through someone from college who follows you and was very excited to discover it. It's great to see that you are doing well, and honestly dealing with life's ups and downs. I love your genuineness. You have always been such a wonderful woman! You can check out my blog for an update on me. We seem to have similar-themed blogs.. :)