Friday, June 15, 2012
Rear view mirror
When I drove to pick up Monica from the airport a couple months ago, it was a pretty emotional experience for me. She was flying into the city where I was initially hospitalized back in February, and I realized a few miles into the trip that the last time I'd driven to that place was the start of our tumultuous 5 1/2 weeks away from home. I started to cry in the car, overcome with reminders of all the scary things I've just gone through, but also how faithful God has been to all of us.
At one point on the drive to the airport, I looked in the rear view mirror. That simple act reminded that sometimes on a long journey, we need to look behind us and acknowledge where we've been, and where we've come from. I decided on the drive that it was important to me to show Monica the hospital--and for me to see it in a non-urgent situation. The airport was also an emotional trigger for me, because I was taken there by ambulance before being put on a medical plane.
After picking Monica up, we drove to the parking lot of the hospital where Naomi and I spent a week. (The rest of the time we were at Mayo.) I sobbed as we sat together in the car, looking up at the buildings where significant things happened--and so recently. It's common knowledge that I am a "closure person," and that brief and impromptu visit to the outside of the hospital did provide some closure for me.
I don't think I will ever "get over" what happened. It's a part of me now, with even physical evidence to prove it. I told someone shortly after I returned home that I hoped I would never forget certain pieces of the story, but I also don't want to dwell on things too much. That can be a tough balance to strike. Going back to my driving analogy--sometimes we need to check the rear view mirror, but of course we mostly need to keep our eyes focused on what's right in front of us.