Rubble

Today is a very significant day for me. Last year on this date, I left for the hospital thinking I would be gone a day or two. I ended up being gone for forty. It is difficult for me to adequately assert how awful/crazy/surreal/trying that period of time was. And yet I see so much of God's handprint on my life as I look back on those memories. His provision. His protection of my life and Naomi's. The ways I am a stronger person and able to bless others because of what I went through.

The lyrics of a song recently stopped me in my tracks, and I wanted to share the words here, because this song closely matches how I feel, especially on this day. The song is called "Less Like Scars" by Sara Groves. I emphasized in bold the lines that mean the most to me, which is most of them!

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's
Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember
And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character
Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending
And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars
Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come
And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you
And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars
And more like
Character

Climbing out of a pile of rubble seems to me an appropriate description. I am so grateful for His presence with me, helping me pick up the pieces. I'm grateful for the many ways we were supported then, and for those who are still willing to listen as I continue to process what happened. And I pray that my scars are looking more like character.