Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Rubble

Today is a very significant day for me. Last year on this date, I left for the hospital thinking I would be gone a day or two. I ended up being gone for forty. It is difficult for me to adequately assert how awful/crazy/surreal/trying that period of time was. And yet I see so much of God's handprint on my life as I look back on those memories. His provision. His protection of my life and Naomi's. The ways I am a stronger person and able to bless others because of what I went through.

The lyrics of a song recently stopped me in my tracks, and I wanted to share the words here, because this song closely matches how I feel, especially on this day. The song is called "Less Like Scars" by Sara Groves. I emphasized in bold the lines that mean the most to me, which is most of them!

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble

These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able

And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you

And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful

It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able

And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

And more like
Character


Climbing out of a pile of rubble seems to me an appropriate description. I am so grateful for His presence with me, helping me pick up the pieces. I'm grateful for the many ways we were supported then, and for those who are still willing to listen as I continue to process what happened. And I pray that my scars are looking more like character.

11 comments:

Mom said...

We are remembering with you the events of one year ago today...this week...the coming 40 days.

We are so proud of both of you. We are very thankful for safety and health for Carrie and Naomi. And we are grateful for the unique and special time we had with Nathan and Natalie.

We love all of you!

Anonymous said...

Yes, Carrie, we are all remembering the events of this time last year. We are so thankful for the happy outcome of those 40 days and proud of the way you and Eric have conducted yourselves and handled the whole ordeal. I could definitely see growth and maturity in both of you at Christmastime.
Keep on giving God the glory for ALL He has done in your lives. Our family is SO blessed.
I love you all, Grandma/Nana

erin said...

Tears in my eyes this morning -- God was so faithful during such a scary time and what amazing things came out of that time (Naomi included!). I've listened to this song so many times, but I will think about it in a new way the next time I hear it!

Linds said...

Carrie- I'm anxious to check out that song. Your post comes in good timing as we are entering into a season of uncertainty as our youngest has a brain MRI on Monday and we're not sure what to expect from there. Thanks for sharing your journey.

thehomespunheart said...

Yes, dear - beauty from ashes. Character from scars. Love you! Monica

KellBell said...

Wow! 1 year. Love that you shared this song. So fitting. So thoughtful. Thanks for sharing.

Katie said...

Praising God with you for His providential care in every detail of Naomi's entrance into this world. Praising God for how He has worked and continues to work in and through you! *Romans 8:28* Your family has been a faithful testimony for the Lord through every step of the journey you've shared.

Blessings to you, sweet friend~
Katie

Carrie said...

Amen. :)

Speaky1013 said...

Thank you, Carrie. I'm so glad you discovered that song. Part of the healing process...I also forgot it was 40 days...wow. Thank you for reminding all of us we need to care about these significant events that have helped to shape us...that we shouldn't just "get through" them.

Love you, my friend. You are beautiful!!

Sara said...

I had a difficult year, too, for very different reasons, and that song really spoke to me. If I were as gifted as Sara Groves, I could have written it, cause I feel those same emotions. God is good and faithful!!

Hayley said...

What a great song! It speaks to me as well, as the trying pregnancy I have had has seemed like an eternity. Thank you for sharing. 13 days left for me, but non stress test this morning detected mild contractions. So, now I've added mature lungs to my prayer list for my baby boy. Boys are stubborn that way, I guess....and there is no NICU where I will have him, so praying for healthy baby. :) Blessings to you, Carrie!